You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will be naked everywhere
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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