i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
