You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
