call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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