I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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