The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
