I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
