im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
