my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
