i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
