Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
