If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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