I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
