I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
