So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
