think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
