Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
