Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
