Are we in a gay sports bar?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
