i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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