I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
