Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
