you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Floor bacon is actually really good
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
