i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
