Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You are the jesus of drinking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
