I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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