Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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