drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
did you just send me my own nude
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
