He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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