I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize