I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
