I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
