dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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