He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
