He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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