apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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