Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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