After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
