My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am available for nakedness
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
