did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
