Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
