Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
