i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
