well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
