What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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