drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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