Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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