Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
