If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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