There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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