dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
