47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
