He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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