I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
