my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize