I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
