Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
