I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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