I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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