Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We got so high we made milksteak
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
