Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
