Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
