Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize