hell yes lets make some ravioli
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
