I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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