would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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