1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
not ubering you a puppy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
