I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
