I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
