even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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