I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
