Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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